[dec. 10th, 2019] In the midst of chaos, one must make it their chore to seek clarity & joy. The ones who remain resilient & humbled will be rewarded for pushing to keep their sanity strapped to the shoulder. But as any being, we fall when pushed hard enough; will you kneel or die on your feet?
[dec. 12, 2019] I think a lot about where failure will take me. Fear doesn’t exist outside of the mind and is nothing more than a product of doubt & distrust. Fear looks to take your power away but I know that a loss of power doesn’t equate to being powerless.
I exist here on this earth; facing obstacles that pose as threat, debilitation, and hinderance that, of course, can be avoided if I were to reroute. But, at gain, on an easier path, I wouldn’t be satisfied—
Thursday, Feb 6, 2020.
[An analysis for Down in the Apple Orchard.]
It’s been just over a month since I’ve begun my most ‘paced’ body of work, hoping to work at it a few months, or years even, to make it strong enough to deem “finished”. Since it’s breadth, 10’s of study drawings have come alive to stalk me whenever I feel alone— reminiscent of southern playgrounds & plantation fields; two opposites alike. The scent of strawberry patches and the fire ant bites. I have time traveled with these works. I have revisited.
These new studies have become more & more automatic and I use them, not only as drafts, but ways to keep ideas fresh and well nurtured. Abstracted yet calculated in my composition, it seems that I have ‘planned’ this big, red painting— so much that I may have completely eradicated action painting to make room for a more careful practice. I say careful lightly. Not too preliminary. Most of my previous works were produced in a matter of minutes or short-count hours. I have completely moved into more strategic abstraction: inspired by landscapes, tapping into surrealist ideology.